Now please note that none of these are in chronological order, but at some point in my life each of these music videos have left me with either a nightmare, breaking into a sprint to cry to my Mom, or left me in utter shock:
1. “She Drives Me Crazy” by Fine Young Cannibals
– Now I ask that at some point you take a look at this video. How many times does lead vocalist Roland Gift blink in the video? Seven! Yes seven. I watched the video in its entirety for the first time in 24 years just to check. You know who also doesn’t blink? Sharks, and there’s a reason they are the water’s most feared predator. See the parallel?
2. “Like A Prayer” by Madonna
So dramatically different to Fine Young Cannibals, Madonna’s “Like A Prayer” introduced me to the world of racism, the KKK, and interracial dating at the tender age of eight. You know what else it made me wonder? How do statues carry life like movements, cry tears of blood and oh—- STIGMATA! I was too young to be exposed to all of this.
3. “Hello” by Lionel Richie
Ok now where to begin… With a storyline of a teacher with an ugly fro crushin’ on one of his blind students (conveniently with a physical disability), calling her house (how does he have her number?), and sporting a fuckin’ cutoff salmon pastel button down shirt?!?! The only highlight to this video is that despite homegirl being blind, she recreates him in a sculpture down to the huge chin, AND THEN she puts her clay stained hands on his face. Epic! Plus I’m still wondering how she applies her makeup oh so well but never the less this holds as the coveted Stranger Danger anthem for all time.
4. “Earth Song” by Michael Jackson
I can recall watching this in about the 5th grade each morning before going to school. I would normally watch MTV videos after my bowl of Cheerios and daily episode of Sailor Moon. So when MTV would air music videos all the time, this video was on repeat for a solid 9 weeks because it was Michael Jackson. Key points to shed light on include: THEY SHOW A BABY SEAL GETTING CLUBBED BY A HUNTER, the numerous camera angles on Michael Jackson’s crotch as he’s singing, and my all time fear that of the dead refugee having his blood return to his body and his eyes opening instantly. It reminded me a lot of Schindler’s List and Elie Wiesel’s “Night” at the same time and still to this day the expression on dead dude’s face creeps me out.
Now this isn’t to say that these music videos will scare everyone else, but damnit I’m the queen of watching Japanese horror films and I still can’t force myself to watch these videos without getting the heebie jeebeies up and down my spine. Do you think I missed one? Leave a comment below and let a girl know.
p.s. If anyone submits Tool’s “Sober” I’m going to punch you square in the mouth. That music video was fuckin’ genius.