Fitness & Health · General

The Call I Didn’t Want… Again

I’ve got a million thoughts running through my head, but my fingers feel kind of numb to type it all. Here goes…

I got a call earlier today from my doctor, which later led to me just going dark on Twitter. I really appreciate the outpouring of folks who reached out to me in private DMs asking me what’s wrong. I don’t normally air my dirty laundry or private life, but if I explain once in one post, then it’s just as easy as having to write it to seven people, seven times with a 140 character limit. I just need a few hours to absorb the news, breathe, and take action so please take no offense if I’m not quick to respond. I’m going to be distant. I wound up rolling an Au’Ra Xaela named Queen Mab just to distract me from thinking about it. Thanks Yoshi-P and devs.

Around this time last year, my doctor had me go through with a biopsy procedure since there were abnormal cells in my ovaries. I got the call that the cells were benign and was told that I should keep my immunity up so that my body could fight whatever the cell abnormality was in a few weeks to a few months time. Standard procedure would mean that I would get checked every year extensively to make sure it’s gone or leaving.

I went two weeks ago to my doctor and got my annual check up. From what sounded like a healthy “all signs are clear” I got the call again today. My lab work came back; my cells are abnormal again.

“Miss Rue… your blood work came back with abnormalities again. We’d like to do another biopsy.”

“Well… jingles. *Sigh* How many samples this time?”

“Last year we took out three samples. To examine you closer, we may take out 4-6 samples this time.”

“Really?”

“Really. You can bring your Blanka figure and another Street Fighter figure this time.”

“O—Okay then.”

I’m angry. I’m angry with myself. I think for the most part I try to keep up with a healthy lifestyle. Eat well, exercise when I can, keep away from harmful substances. Why is this happening again? What does this mean? Well the biopsy alone sucks so having to be awake while they take out the samples isn’t going to be fun. Plus I don’t know what any of this means. From what my doctor told me this could mean there’s a virus that’s still fighting / exiting in my system. It could mean that the cells aren’t benign anymore. What does this mean for me for the future? Could this be early stages of cancer? Am I going to be able to carry a child? I don’t know. I feel broken.

I called Mommicus Prime immediately following the call. Apparently my sister also endured the same issues so it’s possible that this may be hereditary. She wound up having two healthy kids, so for that much I felt slightly better. Plus speaking to Samo-chan helped. He assured me that I wasn’t going to have to go through with this this time alone; he’d be here every step of the way. When he comes to visit on Thursday, we’ll go look for a new figure to carry with me to the procedure so I have something to hold on to so I’m not alone.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared. I’m super scared all over again and I’m going to be nervous in anticipation for the procedure, and then even more nervous in waiting those 1-2 weeks for the results. I thought I was fine and that I beat this. To know that I’m not in the clear makes me wonder if long term damage could affect me later on down the road. I’m not sure what else to do except take it as it comes. I’ll hear back from them next week when I can go in and get the procedure done, and I’ll just have to do my best to be strong… again.

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4 thoughts on “The Call I Didn’t Want… Again

  1. I hope the best for you Alisha. Cancer is something that I wouldn’t ever wish on anyone. It lurks in the back of my mind with the worst kind of dread. My grandfather passed away from cancer at a young age and my father died of cancer as well quite young, so I feel like I’m very predisposed to it. You’ve been doing the right things and I truly wish everything goes well for you ๐Ÿ˜€

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  2. It sounds very scary, and my thoughts are with you. A while back I had multiple checkups myself, thankfully being healthy. My mother had some abnormalities some years ago, some cell changes or something, I didn’t quite understand at the time so can’t really totally explain to you. But in the end, it was not dangerous. It was just changes, but a year later with checkups she was normal again, the body handled it itself. The waiting period can be hell, all kinds of thoughts and worst case scenarios runs through your head.

    A thought that I was told when I was scared, from my doctor. There are a million things that can be wrong with our bodies, but it does not mean it is so dangerous that it will harm you, most things aren’t dangerous. Chances are that it’s not something that will hurt you in the long run. It can just be a straight forward fix IF there is something wrong. If there is in fact something it is most likely a virus/bacteria. Chances for something else is very very small. But we all hear horror stories, so our mind goes to that. But hun, chances are so small!

    If, and this is a HUGE IF .there is something harmful like cancer, they have found it so early that you will get help for it, as you went last year and you weren’t in any danger then. The horror stories we hear are always from people who find things too late, many years to late. There was no cancer last year so if there is something there, it might not even have evolved into cancer yet, but cells that can evolve to it.

    Sometimes they take extra tests to make sure of things, so even if it’s just a virus they might need extra tests.

    I know it’s scary as hell. Just try to remember that the chances are super duper tiny.
    Keep us updated.
    Huge hugs, and just give me a poke if you need a shoulder.

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