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I—- I don’t know where to begin…. I’m seething right now.
Father… FATHER HAS GONE MAD.
Following training with Xander and Leo, it was announced that I was to make an audience for Father. Initially at first? I was elated to finally get to leave the castle grounds in the company of my siblings for the first time in a LONG time. The celebration ended shortly after I saw Father though. He had gifted me with a sword, and then ordered me to kill two Hoshidan prisoners. I defeated them in battle as asked, but Father wanted me to execute them.
There was no more that could be done with them, so why take their lives after that? What’s the sense in morality? Father is furious with me at the moment considering Leo “took care” of them. Honestly I’m grateful that I have siblings like Leo who think fast on their feet in tense moments such as that, but it was immoral on all counts what Father wants us to do. Is the Nohrian way “Kill first, then ask questions later”?
I can’t live my life like that. Even with the possibility of disobeying Father, being viewed as a traitor, and the enemy putting a mark on my head after setting them free? I’d rather take the vitriol aimed at me then fall asleep to the regrets of my actions and my ethics.
What scares me more is…. is this how Xander reacts? Leo? Camilla? My dear, sweet Elise? It can’t be, right? For our every interaction, memory and time spent together it’s only ever been filled with laughter and love. I saw Leo save those prisoners’ lives. I know he has some good in him. What kills me is the very thought of having to even consider that Father’s mentality may reside in them. It questions my judgment in charact—.
Someone’s coming. A small piece of me hopes it’s Jakob. In times like this he’s an amazing listener. He may not necessarily offer the comfort that say Elise or Camilla can, but I know he’ll hear me out. I could use a cup of tea to settle my nerves.